i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
