So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
