I need to stop coming to work sober
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
