well I can't set my house on fire every night
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
