I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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