plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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