is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
