I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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