why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
