last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize