I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
