I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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