Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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