just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
