At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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