Duck Duck Cougar?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We're too hungover to prance.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
