Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You ruined the universe
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
