See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
