he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
sarcasm needs its own font
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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