Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
