Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
