The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
