I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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