Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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