hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
