He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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