Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
