i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
