Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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