I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I didn't notice because vodka
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
