Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
