just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
