The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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