you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
