I'm jealous of your bromance
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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