CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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