I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
