Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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