your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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