i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
