I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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