I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
