hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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