Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
