I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
