Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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