before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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