i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
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