So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wish you could order shots online.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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