you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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