My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.