sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
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I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.