The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
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I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
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Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today