____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I understand Curling. That high.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
