I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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