Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
