Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
