I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
