He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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