the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
