two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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