Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
