Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
