I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
