All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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