Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
