morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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