Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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