Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
