i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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