Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
