Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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